bittersweet symphony

maybe it's over, maybe it isn't

2012-02-10T14:02:00.000+07:00

Watched some old episodes of Glee and realized that maybe I'm in the same stage like what Rachel had in some episodes before The Original Song. It's hard to let it all go. And somehow it's harder when you know that one of your closest friends and enemies told you that she's about to fall for him. So many possibilities. Too many possibilities that I've made up in my mind that finally made me want to lose some insanity. I want to hate, I want to curse, I want to run, I want to cry, I want to scream. I want to look someone in the eyes again.

Maybe it's over.

Maybe it isn't.

With the left insanity in me.

some amnesia will make me feel better

2012-02-08T06:58:00.000+07:00

Kita ialah kata yang terlambat tercipta, yang semestinya tak terjadi. Dan cinta ialah rasa yang pertama dan terakhir, untuk merangkum kerinduan, kepasrahan, dan maafku.

(Marcell - Semua yang Terlambat)

I'm listening to this song again. After two years it absents from my playlist, after many many things happened. God, I'd love to have some amnesia right now.

second week of holiday

2012-02-06T07:29:00.000+07:00

The second week of holiday. Helped my KKN group for the dana usaha things. Had some photo sessions last week, lots of laugh, and some hati ke hati sessions. I need my holy-holiday and I mean it. I still have many lists to do before this holiday ends. Eeeergh.

liburan minggu pertama

2012-01-28T17:22:00.000+07:00

Jadi inilah yang saya lakukan selama satu minggu pertama libur semester ini: bantu garage sale, maraton rapat program KKN, ngurus penelitian, ngerjain dan ngetik macem-macem sampai dini hari selama beberapa hari belakangan, merasakan perubahan cuaca Yogya yang luar biasa panasnya, kalap di toko buku, hunting logbook untuk PKM yang akhirnya gagal total karena tak ada satu pun buku yang cukup unyu di mata saya, ketawa-ketiwi ngobrol di twitter, mantengin web akademika kalau-kalau ada nilai baru yang keluar, keracunan lagunya Sm*sh yang 'Ada Cinta', mendapati suatu momen yang menbuat saya KSBB dengan Ping, hingga akhirnya curhat bombay di salah satu sudut Galeria bersama Charina sambil makan eskrim sundae rasa mangga yang harganya 8 ribu perak saja.

Dan puncaknya adalah sekarang saya sakit demam yang sudah bisa dipastikan akan berakhir menjadi flu. Badan saya anget dan kepala rasanya berat banget. Masih ada target nyelesaiin ethical clearance hari Senin besok ini dan hari Minggu juga kelihatannya masih ada garage sale lagi.

Kelihatannya setelah ini saya akan semakin sibuk dan akan semakin menyibukkan diri dengan banyak hal. Semoga habis ini saya bisa cepet sehat lagi atau setidaknya sekalipun sakit, saya masih bisa beraktivitas dengan baik dan tanggung jawab nggak terbengkalai. Amin.

apologize

2012-01-25T08:56:00.000+07:00

This morning I browse through many files on my computer and I found a duet from One Republic and David Archuleta on the final of American Idol on 2008. I downloaded it years ago when I was still in high school. That song was one of the songs I always listen when I was tired preparing my last year of high school which was full of exams and university tests.

I love the song, I love the way they sang it, and I love the way it sent me back to my best high school memories.

memecah indah

2012-01-20T21:02:00.000+07:00

Ini bukan sekedar apa yang aku rasain saat ini, dini hari tadi, kemarin sore, atau tiga hari lalu.

Mungkin malam ini atau besok atau lusa atau seminggu lagi aku bakal menyesal. Untuk apapun yang udah terjadi dan aku lihat pagi ini, yang akhirnya membuat aku merasa bahwa semua ini sudah cukup. Kita bisa lebih baik dari ini. Kita berhak untuk mendapatkan yang lebih baik dari ini. Untuk apa memaksakan diri untuk sesuatu yang justru menimbulkan perasaan terkekang, bersalah, dan membatasi gerak satu sama lain?

Kalau kamu percaya, semua hal di dunia ini terjadi untuk alasan yang baik. Semuanya. Dimulai dari hari aku dengar nama kamu untuk pertama kali, akhirnya ngeliat kamu untuk pertama kali di ruangan itu, dan ketika bulan-bulan berikutnya kita pernah ketawa bareng about something or just nothing, suatu hari dimana aku pernah naksir-naksiran sama temen deket kamu, bahkan ketika kamu muak banget sama aku tapi kamu nggak bilang apa-apa karena mungkin kamu takut ucapan kamu justru bakal bikin aku sedih sampai mungkin nangis, termasuk hari aku ketemu langsung sama beberapa orang yang dari melihat cara mereka nyapa dan ngeliat kamu aja aku udah tahu kalau mereka menyimpan sesuatu ke kamu. Jadi, aku berusaha untuk nggak menyesal atas apapun yang sudah terjadi.

Someone, once, said to me: say what you need to say. So, I said what I need to say.

Kita akan tetap baik-baik aja. Karena setidaknya tidak akan ada rasa bersalah lagi seandainya besok, lusa, atau entah kapan kita berpapasan entah dimana dan entah dengan siapa. Seperti ini jauh lebih baik. Aliran ini memecah dan terasa jauh lebih indah.

Dan aku sekali lagi ingin meminta maaf. Kepada semua orang, kepada siapapun, yang pernah merasa tersakiti oleh segala sikap maupun ucapan yang entah kusengaja dan kusadari, atau nggak kusadari sama sekali. Maaf. Semoga ini semua mendewasakan kita. :-)

***

No one knows what the future holds. Apapun bisa terjadi setelah ini. Maybe when I go to a place and get lost, I met a stranger who shows me the way, we talk, we smile, and we end up giving each other number and the story goes.. or maybe when you go to a place this afternoon and see someone from your past, you suddenly feel the spark is back and you know that she is the one and you decide to never let her go again.

Apapun ceritanya, satu hal yang aku tahu pasti: aliran ini akhirnya memecah dan terasa jauh lebih indah. Terimakasih untuk semuanya. :-)

never felt this need to fly

2012-01-13T22:22:00.000+07:00

Friday night. I shouldn't be home at this hour becauseactually I have an appointment at KPFT UGM. But since the heavy rain haven’tstop since 6 p.m. this evening, yeah.. let’s say that I am trapped here, athome, alone.

Today was the last exam day for this week and that means I have7 final exams left. I feel so exhausted and a little dizzy because of the lackof sleeping hour. I plan to give my brain a rest for tonight and won’t takeanything with caffeine.

Went to Artemy with Reina, Gita, Aga, and Luky after todayexam. I ate a scoop of Kiwi flavor ice cream with macaroni schotel. Went tothat place for the first time and I love that place decoration. Kinda cute andclassy I think. Anyway I've just received a news that my group's PKM proposal is accepted which means next semester I'll be very busy not only with with classes and pre-clinical activities but also with preparation for KKN and of course this research. But I really want to thank God for everything He gave and plan. Even things will be harder, more strict, and demanding, I know He will be there. He will be there. :-)

Well, having some chats with old friends at Friday night always have this magical power to make me smile from ear to ear. I am so going to enjoy this night without any slides presentation or any exam preparation. Catch you later and wish me luck for next week, fellas!

if you remember and still believe

2012-01-11T13:47:00.001+07:00

"When everything seems impossible, if you remember and stillbelieve, there’s still One Thing that always can make it possible for you. The OneThing that works in magical way that you cannot imagine."

done with the fun part, now i'm ready for the serious part

2012-01-08T22:30:00.000+07:00

Last Wednesday I met some highschool besties at Raminten: Andin, Oci, Fera, Mbak Ning, Pimo, and Erlita. So sad that Ais and Ida couldn't join us. Ordered their kupat tahu and loved it. We had the best laugh and jokes and gossips, as usual. And we planned to make something like arisan for the next meeting. Just can't wait to meet and hear whatever comes from them.

Will accompany Fera who'll meet two new candidates next Tuesday. I wish everything go nice and better after last week. I'm happy that everything is clear and everyone in the group has no misunderstanding anymore.

Final exam weeks will be started tomorrow. Will have 14 tests for the next two weeks. Got some ups and downs last week but glad that everything is over now. I gotta keep my focus, do, and pray for the best.

Yeah, wish me bunch of luck, guys! (˘▼˘)ง

2012-01-07T14:53:00.001+07:00

"Wherever you are, whoever you are, this is for you."

: )

fifth semester: an evening at GSP

2012-01-04T04:59:00.002+07:00

Sorry for the blur photos. Maybe the view is as blur as my eyes if I take off my glasses.

One moment I will never forget is the moment I sat at GSP with Reina and Ratna. That was a day on UGM Research Week. That was about 6 p.m. and we were just sat, talked, and laughed about our crush(es), future, plans, and mas-calon-presiden, haha. We ate yoghurt and went silly as usual. One thing I can't forget is the feeling Reina shared with me. A feeling about the fact that somehow, both of us suddenly--after sat a while on GSP--feel belong to this university. Yes, we are part of this university, not only the faculty, and yes, finally we know how it feels like to hang out until late night on week days like the other faculty students. :-D

yesterday afternoon

2012-01-04T04:34:00.002+07:00

I was sitting near my bed and browse many files in my laptop randomly. I was too happy after finally done with all of my pre-clinic stuffs and the fact that my laptop is back to its normal function after my father sent it to technician. So I just looked at some old files. Opened them one by one, smiled at some parts, and closed them with the thought that time flies by and it waits for no one.

I moved some applications and programs like Sobotta, histology pictures, and anatomy videos, and I arranged many assignment files right when suddenly I found this file I saved on notepad form.

A file with someone's messenger name as its title. A file that I didn't even remember that I ever saved it. A file which contains a chat history on a moment with someone. The file that reminded me about someone who planned an evening to see me and make things clear between us. The evening that changed the way I think about this someone. The evening that made me realize that I have nothing left to do with the story but keep the memories.

And I felt sorry. For the curse I made after that evening, for the hates I felt, for the envious feeling to a girl, for the silent tears for some days afterward.

I know this won't change anything. People are not able to change the past. The only thing we have right now is the best lesson we got from our past which will turn us into a better person. And somehow, I feel so grateful this time. At a moment in this dawn, he is one from many things that makes me feel happy and can't stop me for thanking God for the experiences. Yeah, and once again I can hear myself says: Things happen for good reasons in life. Smile for that, Sar! :-)

but i am closer to the clouds up here

2011-12-17T13:22:00.000+07:00

"Go, run, run, run!

I'm gonna stay right here, watch you disappear.

Go, run, run, run!
Yeah, it's a long way down,

but I am closer to the clouds up here."

(Skyscraper - Demi Lovato)

december

2011-12-17T07:35:00.000+07:00

Many things drove me crazy at the end of this semester. Thescenarios, the cases, discussion, tasks, papers, presentations. And of course, thepreclinical stuffs. God, I have two weeks left and I can feel the pain in mychest every time I breathe.

Dealing with too many things makes me learn a lot lately. Ilearned that good is not good enough if better is still possible in a littlehard way. Well, so here I am: try tomanage my life, daily routine, and everything to make sure everything I’mworking on really works. But then, after all, I’m still a human. Just a human. Mistakesare still everywhere and the best thing I can do is minimize it.

Anyway, I’ve just watched the videos from seniors who wentto Bangka at 2010. I think they did such great things with the kids and the people.Right now I’m confused with my own programs since until today, I am still theonly person from Medical Cluster although I’ve prepared myself to be the onlydentistry student in my group, by the way. Yes, after Prizti decided to joinBunaken team and Fasi decided to choose Maumere over Bangka, I am alone. Still alone.But I’m trying not to make it as a problem. Well, the point is.. I’m reallylooking forward for another Medical Cluster guy so I can have a partner to talkabout the programs.

Next week will be another busy weeks of mine. Finalpresentations are everywhere and the final exams are waiting after New Year’sEve.

I have a plan to see one of my 2008 seniors who went to RajaAmpat and became the only dentistry student in his group. Maybe there’ssomething I can learn from him about the programs or just some good advices. Decemberflies fast as always and this December I'm crazy about someone's writings and timeline. #eaaaa :-)

diam itu romantis

2011-12-10T22:01:00.000+07:00

Seandainya Anda adalah seorang mind reader yang bisa tahu apa yang saya tulis di post ini sebelum saya menekan Ctrl + A lalu Delete. Paragraf-paragraf yang telah tertulis yang setelah dibaca lagi ternyata tidak mengandung poin apa-apa.

Seandainya Anda adalah seorang mind reader, maka sesungguhnya saya tidak perlu menuliskan apa-apa di sini. Blog ini akan kosong, hanya berisi tanggal-tanggal entri. Tanpa paragraf-paragraf atau gambar seperti biasanya, tanpa judul. Karena Anda pasti tahu apa yang sesungguhnya ingin saya tuliskan.

Entah mengapa saya hanya ingin diam, membiarkan halaman-halaman kosong tanpa perlu mengkhawatirkan kesalahpahaman karena saya tahu bahwa hati Anda tahu, sama seperti hati saya.

Karena hari ini sesuatu tiba-tiba menyadarkan saya bahwa diam itu romantis.

i'm about to set fire on everything i see

2011-12-04T21:34:00.001+07:00

Sedang banyak sekali yang harus dilakukan dan entah kenapa masalah-masalah ini masih saja mendatangi saya yang sedang kembang-kempis nggak karuan.

Pertama-tama, dengan penuh duka, saya harus mengumumkan kalau gigi yang sudah saya siapkan untuk praktikum Konservasi hari Senin besok ini hilang. Udah dari Sabtu sih nyadarnya. Udah nyari kemana-mana tapi tetep juga nggak ketemu. Dugaan sementara sih jatuh di lab phantom. Dan berhubung hari Senin depan ini jatah saya praktikum adalah di lab lantai 5, nampaknya saya memang harus mengikhlaskan gigi rahang atas yang saya dapatkan dengan penuh perjuangan itu :'(
Tapi setidaknya, saya masih ada cadangan gigi. Alhamdulillah for that :')

Kedua, masih dengan kedukaan, saya harus mengumumkan bahwa model malam untuk gigi tiruan cekat milik saya, yang saya buat dengan penuh perjuangan selama 2 minggu, kemaren sabtu dipatahin sama sepupu saya yang umurnya 2 taun. Hati saya rontok rasanya kalau inget perjuangan ngukir bagian oklusal giginya. Pengen nangis dan marah tapi saya terlalu capek. Akhirnya, dengan sisa-sisa tenaga yang ada, saya nyoba buat mbenerin model malam itu.

Ketiga, saya baru ingat kalau saya ada tugas tentang KKN yang mana saya lupa tepatnya tugasnya apa karena kertas catatan saya hilang. Dan orang-orang yang saya tanyai pun tidak membalas pesan saya. Entah itu karena pulsanya habis, hapenya ternyata kecemplung kloset, atau mungkin hapenya jatuh ke kolong tempat tidur. Ah sudahlah.

Keempat, besok pagi jam 7 kelompok saya dapat jatah seminar. Dan tadaaaa barusan tadi saya stress ng-SMS satu-demi-satu manusia yang saya pikir punya file presentasinya dan satu-demi-satu membalas dengan jawaban bahwa mereka tidak punya filenya. Hell yeah, terus dimanakah file presentasi itu? No one knows.

Kelima, ....
Udah. Abis.

Plis, jangan nambah lagi buat saat ini. Plis.

about inconsistency

2011-12-02T02:05:00.000+07:00

The more you grow up, the more you will realize the inconsistency in someone else and you.

Someone told you that he's not an ambitious person. But then, he'll turn out in to someone with many expectations and plans and ambitions to reach what he wants.
Someone told you that he's your friend, your closest one. But then, he'll turn out in to the only one who let you down.
Someone told you that he really wants to forget his ex. But then, he'll turn out in to someone who always brings his ex in every conversation.
Someone told you that he's not the one who will fall in love with his best friend. But then you'll see him walking down the street and holding his best friends hand with love in their eyes.
Someone told you that he hates sightseeing. But then, he'll turn out in to someone who cannot wait for the weekend to go out.
I told myself I don't want to be a dentist. But now, you can see me become one of those dentistry students.
I told my friend I hate sad movies. But now, I always end up watching one of them every time I have bad moments and need reasons to cry.
I told myself not to trust a guy. But then, he becomes the guy I always share my stories and troubles with.
I told my friends I don't really like glee's songs. But now, if you check my playlist, you'll find some of them on it.
I told you every single day I really want to give up but then you can see me keep trying to make things work.

Those are just some random examples. Everything just came out from my head. I'm not in the middle of talking about someone in particular.

Bangka, at last

2011-11-29T18:45:00.000+07:00

Being the ninth person who joined the group.
And right now, we're trying to find our way to that island.

life's a climb, but the view is great

2011-11-24T23:11:00.000+07:00

source

You'll always have up and down moments in life.

And this is another lowest point of mine. Tugas kuliah dan preklinik yang berceceran, pertemuan dengan manusia-manusia demanding, dan perasaan insecure yang tiba-tiba muncul belakangan ini adalah sebagian dari apa saja yang membuat hidup saya berwarna belakangan ini.

Those words Travis said to Miley from Hannah Montana The Movie just remind me that I shouldn't give up on this easily. I shouldn't give up just because seems-like-I-can't-finish-this-task feeling and I shouldn't give up just because someone keep pushing me down after the efforts I gave.

I should keep my chin up and take things easy with a positive feelings. Dan kepada siapapun yang telah membuat saya merasa jauh lebih baik..

May Allah always bless you.
Amen. (˘⌣˘)ε˘`)

KKN

2011-11-24T20:11:00.000+07:00

"Saat paling galau adalah Prosto dan Orto belum di-ACC dan semuanya ngomongin tentang KKN."

(Amiga Rusyda on Twitter)

RETWEET!

finger crossed

2011-11-15T02:00:00.000+07:00

Adalah Sang Pembolak-balik Hati yang memiliki kuasa atas segala perasaan dan keputusan yang diambil manusia.

I could believe it, I could be hesitate but then I could believe it again, I could still believe it yesterday, but today I can start to feel that this is just not right so I choose to forget it.

For all of the inconsistencies in life, all that I know and can do is believe in Him and His promises.

curhat

2011-11-12T22:24:00.001+07:00

Seharian ini bener-bener menguras tenaga dan pikiran. Dimulai sejak dini hari tadi ketika entah kenapa nggak bisa tidur. Jam tidur memang jadi nggak jelas semenjak kuliah ini. Ditambah kemaren habis UTS 2 minggu, nampaknya badan saya masih kebawa-bawa kayak waktu ujian kemaren: tidur 2 jam, bangun 1 jam, tidur lagi setengah jam, bangun lagi sejam, dst.

Dan seperti sindroma kurang tidur yang biasanya, pagi ini saya bangun dengan kepala berdenyut pelan yang masih memungkinkan untuk aktivitas biasa. Masih bisa diampet lah. Habis sholat saya SMSan sama Ucik karena rencananya mau ketemu di kampus pagi ini buat bikin catatan gigitan untuk tugas paraktikum Ortodonsia saya yang berikutnya, yaitu aktivator. Setelah SMSan, karena tiba-tiba ngerasa ngantuk, saya pun tidur sebentar. Akhirnya kebangun jam 6 kurang dikit dan langsung loncat dari tempat tidur karena saya ada janji sama Ucik jam 7 kurang seperempat (fyi, itu udah dimundurin 15 menit dari waktu pertama kali kita bikin janji. Awalnya kita janjian jam setengah 7). After had quick shower, saya pun berkemas, memasukkan alat-alat yang mau dipake ke tas. Sampai keadaan ini, kepala masih nyut-nyutan ringan.

Setelah kelar urusan dengan Ucik, saya pun mampir ke toko alat dan bahan kedokteran gigi yang ada di kampus yang kebetulan hari ini sedang diskon. Setelah bayar, kartu pelanggan ditempelin stiker, dan jalan keluar, tiba-tiba.. kepala saya nyut-nyutan kerasa banget seperti habis kejedot sesuatu. Sampai-sampai saya jalan ke parkirannya pelan-pelan dan sambil memincingkan mata saking nahan nyut-nyutannya. Terakhir saya pusing begini adalah saat sore-sore menjelang isya habis rapat angkatan. Dan saya tahu kalau udah mulai pusing begini, berarti saya memang udah dalam lowest point.

Setelah selamat sampai rumah, saya memutuskan untuk tidur. But it didn't help at all karena ketika kepala nyentuh bantal, yang ada berdenyutnya malah semakin kenceng. Saya masih menahan diri buat nggak minum obat. Akhirnya sejam dua jam saya nggak tahan lagi.

Habis makan siang, setelah enakan, saya pergi sama sepupu saya. Habis itu aktivitas lagi kayak biasanya sampai maleman ini tadi. Barusan aja, saya ngecek tugas-tugas buat minggu depan dan kelihatannya langsung full -..-

Senin ada seminar Pedodonsia, presentasi Konservasi, praktikum Ilmu Konservasi (yang saya nggak tau habis ini praktikumnya tentang kavitas kelas berapa), praktikum Orthodonsia (nunjukin pemasangan okludator, catatan gigitan, sama guide wire, dan fyi, punya saya belum kelar); Selasa ada tugas Oral Medicine 1 yang mana katanya ada 5 bab dari suatu buku yang berhubungan sama tugas itu; Rabu ada presentasi Periodonsia; Kamis sama Jumat praktikum sama kuliah biasa; Sabtu seminar Komunikasi.

Minggu depan itu juga, saya musti ngelarin job desk dari koor, which means harus konsultasi beberapa hal ke dosen, nanya ke mbak yang jaga toko tentang harga bahan-bahan buat tindakan penambalan pas pengabdian masyarakat, dan nanya ke anak danus tentang kemungkinan sponsor.

Cobaan memang datang silih berganti sepanjang semester ini. Baru seperempat jalan tahun ketiga dan saya udah kepengan biar cepet kelar aja dari kemaren-kemaren. Preklinik saya bikin stress dan deg-degan terus. Saya dapet kasus yang lumayan susah dan sempet bikin pengen nangis waktu kemaren harus bongkar plat aktif dan bikin semua-muanya (labial arch, adam's clasp, finger spring, simple spring, buccal retractor) dari awal lagi tapi akhirnya saya pasrah ngerjain lagi sebisanya dan ternyata hasilnya alhamdulillah bikin seneng dan lumayan ngobatin capeknya. Dan sekarang, saya jujur semakin stress setelah lanjut ke tahapan yang berikutnya.

Sempet pengen nyerah tapi habis itu kalau dipikir-pikir lagi, kalau dapet begini aja udah mau nangis, gimana nanti kalau udah jadi dokter gigi? You can't choose your patients. Mereka akan datang dengan keluhan yang beda-beda dan mereka berharap saya bisa membantu mereka. Jadi, kalaupun sekarang dapetnya susah, anggep aja buat tabungan biar besok waktu koass sama udah jadi dokter udah lancar dan ahli nanganin kasus yang susah. Amin :D

There'll be always this positive side if you want to search, learn, and see things more. Ambil sisi baiknya saja. Walaupun sekarang masih jadi mahasiswa undergraduate dengan kasta dibawah koass, saya yakin ini semua cepat atau lambat bakal berlalu dan saya pasti naik ke level-level berikutnya. Kalau kata ibu saya, semua itu ada waktunya dan butuh proses. And I know that right now, I'm in the middle of that process. Emang sih bikin galau. Tapi ini kan 2011 gitu loh. Gak galau = gak gaul, hahahaha.

Oke, apapunlah itu, intinya saya lega setelah nulis begini. Kepala masih agak pusing tapi udah mendingan. Mau langsung tidur aja biar besok bisa enakan dan nyicil tugas-tugas yang diatas tadi. Hah, gnite universe! (˘⌣˘)ε˘`)

I did what Tom Felton said

2011-11-05T08:01:00.000+07:00

"Sometimes you should man up and order from the kids menu. #foodenvy" (Tom Felton on Twitter)

Yes, I went to McD and order their Happy Meal's menu. And I got this cute Hello Kitty watch.

Well, I am officially a kitty pink ranger right now, hahaha :D

when it comes to goodbye

2011-10-25T20:16:00.000+07:00

When it comes to a goodbye, today or tomorrow will be just the same. The pain, sadness, and that losing feeling is just will be the same. It's just the matter of time.

If you choose today, it's just like you pull the trigger faster. If you choose today, that means the pain will come earlier but you'll be healed earlier too. If you choose tomorrow, yeah you know what'll happen. You will still get the pain too.

See, there's no difference at all. It's just the matter of time and how you make yourself strong enough to face it.

you made it clear when you said i just don't love you no more

2011-10-22T11:30:00.001+07:00

Menurutku, perempuan itu butuh alasan untuk melakukan sesuatu. They need reasons to love somebody, they need reasons to get laid, and they also need reasons to leave someone.

But when it comes to relationship, terkadang alasan-alasan yang ada terdengar sangat absurd dan tidak bisa diterima atau bahkan tanpa alasan sama sekali.

So, what's the point here? To be honest, I don't know.

But if someone tells me that he doesn't love me anymore, for sure, I don't need another reason to leave him. Kenapa? Karena semua yang kamu lakukan untuk mempertahankan hubungan itu hanya akan jadi sia-sia. Untuk apa kamu berusaha lebih keras, mencintai dengan cinta yang lebih besar, atau berjanji akan melakukan lebih banyak hal kalau pada akhirnya, semua effort itu hanya ada di satu sisi saja?

In my case, the words "I love you" from someone, is the biggest reason why I love him. Bentuknya memang tidak harus selalu kata-kata seperti "I love you" atau "aku cinta kamu". Bentuknya bisa berupa tindakan, atau hal-hal simpel yang maknanya setara atau bahkan lebih besar dari sekedar "je t'aime". Dan ketika semua itu sudah tidak ada lagi, I just don't know why I still have to love him.

It's okay if you want to debate me. Silakan saja kalau mau mendebat dengan menggunakan alasan: I still love him because I want to. It is fine, silakan. But at least, please give respect to yourself. You deserve happiness as much as the person who said that he doesn't love you anymore. And when that person decided to leave you and take his happiness, ngapain juga kamu masih disini berharap dia berubah pikiran dan semua hal akan jadi baik-baik saja sementara kamu sebenarnya tahu bahwa dia nggak akan pernah kembali karena dia nggak akan pernah berubah pikiran? You are just torturing yourself, my friend.

Pernah nonton film "He's Just Not That Into You"? Di film itu, di bagian akhir, salah satu tokoh yang bernama Gigi yang diperankan oleh Ginnifer Goodwin berkata, "maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. Maybe it's you on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on."

Di titik ini, setelah semua yang bisa aku lakukan untuk menyadarkan kamu, aku ingin mengutip kata-kata Dinda ke Keara di salah satu halaman novel "Antologi Rasa" yang akhirnya selesai kubaca setelah berminggu-minggu cuma nangkring di meja belajar dan selalu kalah oleh rasa ngantuk dan capek setiap pulang kuliah. Pick your happiness. Cuma itu yang bisa aku bilang.

someone's life

2011-10-09T01:44:00.002+07:00

Nothing’s cool about this Saturday night. Yah, kecuali kalaumengerjakan tinjauan putaka makalah sambil chatyang diselingi tertawa-tawa dengan teman sambil mendengarkan lagu random apasaja yang terputar di playlist sampai dini hari begini tergolong kece. Hahaha, kece, ya? I don’t even care these thingsI do at the same moment is ‘kece’ ornot.

All I know is that this is far from cool. Well, yeah, I also don’t careactually if this is cool or not. But I know that this is just not cool. Not atall. The unfinished but almost done tasks, the feelings, the insomnia, theperson.

Karena apa yang tiba-tiba kulihatdi timeline Twitter ini tiba-tiba mengingatkanku pada kejadian berbulan-bulanlalu. The day I closed the door and walkedaway. The day I said to myself that I’d never sing of love if it does not exist.Just exactly like what’s written on my favorite Paramore’s song.

Aku lupa pernah baca dimana tapiyang jelas hal itu kira-kira berbunyi seperti ini: some little things sometimes just bring out the best memories. Ya,beberapa hal kadang memang bisa kembali memunculkan kenangan-kenangan masalalu. Just like that thing I saw onTwitter some minutes ago. Well, thatthing did not bring the best memory, I might add. But it brought the deepestone.

And when that simple thing just went with the time and that status wasblended with others on timeline, I am still here. Forget about the literature,the tasks, the clock, and the day. I am here with a question: apakah semuaakan jadi seperti ini seandainya hari itu, aku memilih untuk menolak menemuinyadan tidak pernah tahu tentang apapun?

since the beginning of this restless road

2011-10-08T08:04:00.001+07:00

Since the beginning of this semester:

The phantom lab. Say hello to my phantom. Got to do the preparation the right mandibulary 1st molar and premolar for my Prosthodonsia's preclinical activity: fixed denture.
Pengabdian Masyarakat Angkatan 2009. Next year we'll held this program. I'm on its clinical team, anyway, hihi :D
Took this picture from the 4th or 5th floor at 'Bulan Kesehatan Gigi Nasional' at RSGMP Prof. Soedomo.
Met these three little girls who joined us on 'Bulan Kesehatan Gigi Nasional'. Narcissism is not only ours. It's theirs too, hahaha. Laughed with my friend after we saw what they did.
The manual.
Operative dentistry preclinical stuffs.

Still have many things to be shared :D

someone texted me this after I told her that I really want to jump from 2nd floor

2011-10-04T00:35:00.000+07:00

I smiled, laughed, and broke into tears. I miss my happy go lucky style.

Selalu ada yang bakal bikin kamu ngerasa seperti sampah dan nggak sanggup buat ngelanjutin lagi. Tapi, sebenernya, kalau setelah itu kamu nyerah dan jadi nggak mau ngelanjutin, maka kamu bener-bener udah kalah.

You know what, suck things happen in this world to make you stronger than before.

Sehingga kamu bisa bilang, “Gini doang mah nggak ngaruh apa-apa ke gue. Gue pernah ngejalanin yang lebih parah dan gue bisa survive kok. This time, I’m sure I can do better.“

It’s okay if you feel like a shit for a moment after the bad things that happened. But just for a moment. Because you really have to wake up and make the next move. Langkah berikutnyalah yang menentukan apakah kamu bakal menang atau kalah.

Believe in yourself, believe in God. Tuhan nggak bakal ngasih cobaan yang nggak bisa dilalui sama umatNya kok. Kalaupun emang ada kesulitan yang nggak bisa kamu tangani, all you have to do selain berusaha buat menghadapi semua kesulitan itu adalah dengan percaya. Believe in yourself, believe in God. Percaya sama diri sendiri, kemampuan yang ada dalam diri kamu, dan Tuhan. Karena kepercayaan itu akan membuat kamu berpikir bahwa you’re too good to be broken.

Nothing can bring you down. Nothing. Because every single time you feel that something is going to bring you down. actually, it is the time He's going to raise you up.

Wake up, go, and show them what you got! Cheers, L. :)

Banyak yang hidupnya lebih susah daripada sekedar kuliah marathon dan praktikum. Banyak yang lebih menderita hidupnya ketimbang pulang sore, badan capek mau remuk, sementara ada tugas yang belum dikerjain, dan harus belajar untuk diskusi esok hari. Nggak usah sok susah deh. Bersyukur! Masih banyak yang di bawah kamu sekalipun kamu sedang merasa ada dalam titik paling rendah kamu sekalipun.

And at the end, she asked me to listen to this song. "Angkatlah wajahmu, tumbuhkan asamu.. Melangkah lagi, jangan berhenti, kau kan mengerti makna terbaik dari semua yang telah terjadi.."

Terimakasih kakaaaak! :D ♥

fifth semester: the first two weeks

2011-09-25T11:33:00.000+07:00

The first two weeks drove me crazy. Have many things to do for the next week. The tasks, the preclinical things. Can’t stop singing “Stop This Train” and I can feel my body is ruined.

“Stop this train, I want to get off and go home again. I can’t take the speed, it’s moving in. I know I can’t but honestly, won’t someone stop this train.”

Anyway, I’m happy with my progress on my preclinical activity. I’m—finally—able to do the whole work-model-making by myself. It’s such a great achievement for me, hehee. Well, I gotta publish this posts and do my Oral Medicine task. So many stuffs to do for today but I will try not to complain or shout at anything and anyone. Hah!“Now I see, I’ll never gonna stop this train.”

those scenes

2011-09-17T09:06:00.000+07:00

"The sun rises and sets, the day passes, and you follow the bent of your inclination to a certain extent, you have no conception of the quantity of miserable feeling that you pass through me in a day."

(John Keats on Love Letters of Great Men)

(i)

We're both just people who worry about the breath we take, not how we breathe.

(ii)

Empat tahun bukan waktu yang singkat untuk mencoba menjawab pertanyaan "what if in the man you love, you find a best friend instead of a lover".

(iii)

Tapi tahu apa lagi yang tidak normal di antara dua orang sahabat?

Tatapan Ruly ke Denise sekarang. Aku duduk di sofa dan Harris duduk di sisi tempat tidur Denise dan Ruly menyandar ke dinding di sebelah tempat tidur Denise dan kami mengobrol tentang apa saja, Denise terlihat segar dan bisa tertawa-tawa, dan Ruly menatap dia dengan tatapan yang sama dengan selama ini jika aku menatap Ruly dalam diam. The all too obvious "I-love-you-and-I-wish-you-know-it-and-love-me-back" look.

I can never win this, can I, Rul?

an update

2011-09-08T19:50:00.000+07:00

The next Monday I'll start my fifth semester. I'm done with the KRS things, I also have bought the stuffs for my preclinical activities, and yesterday I finally downloaded my class's schedule. I think I will back to my old routine: busy days. But this time I think will be much easier since I've been dealing with those things in the last two years.

The third year will be different from the other year because this year I'll have Pengabdian Masyarakat (PM) Angkatan with all of my dentistry 2009 classmate and I'll take KKN at the end of the year. Will be far from home in months and maybe won't celebrate Idul Fitri with family because of that.

Watched Kung Fu Panda 2 with highschool mates: Ais, Fera, Erli, Akbar, Ipank, Inung, and Moo last Monday and ate pizza and pasta with them after that, went to Togamas Jl. Urip Sumoharjo and didn't get the novel I wanted, spent many times with friends at high school, tried to remember our silly past times, and started to realize that I'm getting older than I thought.

Took this picture when I waited for Mas-Mas Togamas who helped me search the novel I want.

At the last family gathering, my grannie asked me about boyf and I just gave her my silly smile. I had conversation with her and after that it left me speechless so I wrote something here. Nanananana ~

Anyway, I've just realize that I've posted 200 posts and this posts will be the 201 post. Whoa, time flies! I made this blog after high school graduation in 2009 and now 2 years after that, in 2011, I still write stuffs here. Hahaahaa. I dont know why I don't get bored write here. This blog is like my stress therapy. Because somehow, for me, write just like a drug. It cure the pain.

Took this picture when I went to Grha MPK before helped Rizal, dkk. do the decoration for buber.

welcoming lebaran

2011-08-30T20:51:00.000+07:00

Tomorrow I'm going to celebrate Idul Fitri with my family. Time really flies during holiday and I don't even feel like I have one. Things keep coming and fuh.. words will never enough to explain.

Group research assignments, preparation for Idul Fitri, "silent treatment" from someone.. Lately, those things really make me feel "galau" -..-

Last year I ended up malam lebaran with some fireworks. Tonight, maybe I'll choose to sleep earlier. Anyway, my grandma is hospitalized. I hope she can feel better soon because it has been such hard days for my family especially my father to see her in pain.

"Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, La ilaha ilallah huwalallahu akbar, Allahu Akbar walilahil hamd!"

Well, Happy Lebaran day. Taqabballaahu minawaminkum. May this Lebaran brings happiness to us and families. Amin :)

buntelan 2009: open and feel it

2011-08-28T21:11:00.000+07:00

Buntelan (buka bareng teladan) 2009 was nicely done. Glad that finally my class did our best. I met lots of besties last Friday and had some chats with Ida, Andin, Fera, and Ais after that until 9.30 p.m.

Those are the photos from last Friday. Number 1-3 are Andin's. The first photo was taken by Fajar at the afternoon when he helped us with the decoration, and the last one is from Moo. Haven't copied the pictures about the preparation from my cell phone so I can't upload it now. I'll show you later :)

stay a while, i'm gazing the way you move from far

2011-08-16T08:33:00.001+07:00

Have you ever heard "Gaze" from Adhitia Sofyan? I heard that song the first time when I was in my first undergraduate year. By that time, I didn't really get that song because I never knew how it felt when you have a moment where you’re looking at that beautiful stranger you’d wish they’re yours as what Adhitia wrote on "About the song" lines.

It took me a year after the first time I heard that song and two Adhitia's gigs when finally I realize that I am in the middle of gazing the way someone moves from far.

I never really knew this guy directly. I met him once. But I heard the story about him since I was in highschool until now. People keep talking about him like he's a celebrity or something. He's popular and good and... almost perfect.

Have you ever saw someone and suddenly you felt speechless and had nothing to say and you couldn't finish what you were doing that moment because that person distracted you from anything you were doing that time? Well, I think he's kind of that someone. The one who can make you speechless and leave you nothing but the feeling that you just want to stay a while and gazing the way he moves from far.

I never talk more than three sentences with this guy but I can tell you that he's good. I read his writings and those words just amazing. I'm breathless every time I read his notes. Once I had this little conversation via YM with my friend. And she had the same feeling. She went breathless too when she read his powerful words.

If someday he publishes his books, maybe I'll be one of those people who can't wait to buy one and take it home and read it over and over again.

This time, again, I'm gazing him from his writing. Not the final gaze you may know. No, not yet. And once again, I can feel new positive energy in me after read what he wrote.

I wish I can have another chance to see him again. Not to say that I'm one of his writing fans. I'm not that brave, I tell ya, hahaha. Maybe I just can smile in front of him and stay in silence and can't move my body like a statue but I don't care. I just want to gaze and learn anything as much as I can.

someone like you

2011-08-11T08:50:00.000+07:00

I heard that you're settled down. That you found a girl. And you're married now. I heard that your dreams came true. Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light. I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded.. That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. "Don't forget me", I begged. "I'll remember", you said. "Sometimes it lasts in love But sometimes it hurts instead."

Sometimes it lasts in love But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.

You know how the time flies. Only yesterday, it was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze. Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

Nothing compares. No worries or cares. Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

tentang sebuah keyakinan dan kesiapan

2011-08-07T19:38:00.000+07:00

"Siap adalah ketika merasa yakin pada seseorang tanpa perlu mengetahui siapa orang tersebut dan seperti apa orang tersebut."

Siap adalah ketika seseorang mampu mengiyakan tanpa memandang siapa yang bertanya karena adanya suatu keyakinan dalam hati bahwa siapapun yang "bertanya" adalah sebaik-baik orang yang memang dikirimkan untuk dirinya.

For one of my favorite seniors who's going to enter a process.

Who's ready to go down the aisle.

May Allah always be with you in every best decision you take.

Amin :)

busy days before ramadhan

2011-08-01T18:24:00.001+07:00

I've never been this exhausted since some weeks ago after final exam. A lot of things to do and the stuffs seem like keep coming. Helped my friends with some presents for my friends wedding, met high school besties at Semesta and had some great hours chat with them and finally met one of my friend's new bf, helped my ex-classmate to prepare acara buka bersama for the whole 2009, attended my friends wedding, had lunch with my senior at Mie Ayam Pak Kliwon (setelah 2 tahun lulus SMA dan cuma bisa kangen sama mie ayamnya), watched Harry Potter (and realized that the Harry Potter things will come to and end), and many more.
Huh, yeah, but I really want to say alhamdulillah for these busy days. I will miss them. Really. I'm gonna miss them especially the wedding things because (although this is not the first time for me) it was really such an unforgettable moment.

The fasting month is here. My favorite month every year is here! And I'm glad. I always love Ramadhan. I love the atmosphere, the food, the togetherness, the breaking fast things, and everything. I love everything about this month!

I wish all the good things for us. May God always be with us and this Ramadhan brings happiness to us and families. Happy fasting, fellas ;)

about taking a step

2011-07-25T10:09:00.002+07:00

"This is exactly why people need to compartmentalize their life. When one is ruined, you still can count on the other one."

Semua hal di dunia ini terjadi untuk alasan yang baik. Saya percaya itu. Kalaupun sekarang kelihatannya sama sekali tidak ada baiknya, saya tetap berkeyakinan kalau entah kapan suatu hari nanti pasti ada saatnya kejadian itu memberi hikmah yang baik. Because I always believe that God will never let anyone down.

Satu bagian dari hidup saya memang belum seperti apa yang saya harapkan. But instead of spending more time just to think about it, I prefer wake up and do the other good stuffs. Banyak sekali hal yang ada di luar sana yang juga penting, menarik, dan bermanfaat. Les masak, belajar jahit baju, baca novel, nulis-nulis, kegiatan sosial, dan lainnya.

Saya belajar bahwa perasaan marah dan nyumpahin orang itu nggak akan membawa hasil apa-apa. Toh dengan marah-marah saja tidak akan membuat saya menjadi lebih baik dari siapapun. Menyalurkan kemarahan memang sangat perlu, tapi tidak harus dengan marah-marah, kan? I hope I can use the energy for something more useful than just throw the bad words on people.

My decision about compartmentalize life is totally such a good idea. Because now, I still have many good reasons to live happily.

"Menjadi dewasa berarti berani mengambil keputusan, bertanggung jawab atas segala resiko yang muncul, serta berani menghadapi perasaan sendiri."

sadranan beach

2011-07-18T11:14:00.009+07:00

This morning I woke up and felt not good. Feel tired after yesterday beach trip with some seniors. Yesterday I lost my appetite so I didn't feel like want to eat something. My problem with my stomach is getting worse I guess.

Anyway, I loved the beach. Thank you for the moments ;)

cc: Mbak Vita, Mas Adit, Mas Dodik, Ipank

So many thoughts to be shared. But not here :)

gonna look back on this and smile someday

2011-07-14T12:56:00.001+07:00

This holiday will be different because this will be another long holiday I have after my twelve-grade-holiday in high school and at this holiday I will have so many things to do besides having fun with besties.
I'm going to make some research about some topics for my groups then decide which one will be used and then make some literature reviews about the chosen topic, join some sayembara things with my friend, and also I'm going to learn about some new stuffs this holiday. A lot of things to do but I'm so excited about this.

Well, this Friday I'll have a day out with high school friends. We plan to go to the book store and eat donuts after that. At Saturday I'll have another research-group meeting, and at Sunday maybe I'll go to the beach with those MPK guys. I really want to join them because maybe this is gonna be the last day out I have with Mbak Vita before she leave Jogja and back to her hometown after her graduation.

I know that someday I will look back on this and smile :)

see you soon, holly holiday

2011-07-09T18:34:00.001+07:00

Well, so glad that the fourth semester storm is over. Here are some photos I found at my phone. Some were taken by Aga when we had our class at Auditorium. We took some photos during the class. Well, it's better to took some photos than fell asleep during class, rite? Hehehe.

Oh, well, time flies I guess. The next academical year I'll have my fifth and sixth semester. Another step closer to my dreams. Thank you for this amazing year. The laugh, pain, tears, smile, achievement, and everything. Things happen for reasons and the reasons will always good. Just believe in God. Believe in Him, His promises. Because He'll never bring us down ;)

Hey, Holiday, I'll see you soon!

take a bow

2011-07-07T10:58:00.000+07:00

take a bow (Verb)
take a bow - acknowledge praise or accept credit; "They finally took a bow for what they did"

take a bow - acknowledge applause by inclining the head, as of an artist after a performance

Somebody told me not to post anything under emotion or I'll regret it later. But this time, I guess I've lost my mind and I can't stand it anymore.

You, yes you. Don't act like you never texted girls anymore. Don't act like you never spent hours on your chatting windows with them. Don't act like you can judge me anymore because from now I won't let you do it to me. You are still my friend, the best one, the close one. But you no longer good enough to get my trust. The way you treat me well, the way you pretend like you want to be my guard, that just what you want me to think about you. That you still the same boy I saw years ago. The handsome one, the nice one, the best one.

You can laugh on me. You can take me as your joke as much as you want. But remember. That here, I have your secret. I know it. Something you hide from me but somebody else finally showed it. And that gives me enough reason to leave you alone. (But I guess you are not afraid because those girls especially that one will be on your side if you ask her to, right?)

But you put on quite a show, really had me going.

Now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing.

That was quite a show, very entertaining.

But it's over now.

Go on and take a bow.

You may think that I am still that childish to post something like rubbish like this here. But this is maybe my best effort to tell you. That I already know. That I am disappointed. That maybe I will regret this post later. When you found your way to this post, you just have to believe that this is the way God wants you to know. Because I am so not going to tell you straightly. This words and the feeling in your heart will tell you.

My last words this morning: I hate being betrayed.

as you know, the bond still grow until now :)

2011-07-05T18:52:00.000+07:00

Went out with highschool friends the last Saturday.

Had 2 crazy-singing-hours at Hyperbox, Ashar-Magrib prayer with them, dinner, and great gossip time. Reached home at 10.30 p.m. after craved for some ice cream but felt so happy.

The highschool time was ended exactly two years ago but the our bond still grow until now. And I wish it'll grow stronger and last forever :)

Amin.

p.s. : The photo belongs to Andin :)

for me, it is still years to go

2011-06-28T13:37:00.000+07:00

Went to my friend's wedding last Sunday. She's 20--just like me--and she had the wedding. While I--personally--think that it is still long way to go until I decide to have one.

I love gifts and I always wrapped the present myself.

I hope you like it, pal :)

in the middle of exam week

2011-06-19T23:31:00.000+07:00

Tomorrow I'm gonna face two exams. Two important exams. (Well, every exam is important actually, but these two just a 'lil bit more' important.)

With a little dizzy head, I am really exhausted. Body and mind. And I must prepare myself for tomorrow. An hour ago, I decided to drink coffee although lately my tummy didn't feel good after I drag caffeine. But I don't care. I must stay all night tonight.

I wish for the best for tomorrow and the next day. (‾ʃƪ‾)

damn it's true!

2011-06-19T12:17:00.000+07:00

Waktu mekanis, waktu relatif, dan waktu ilusif.

Hey, Bumi! Kamu boleh tetap berputar seperti biasanya. Tapi, bisakah tak kau ajak waktu untuk menemanimu kali ini? Aku sedang tak mau pergi dari 'saat ini'.

edisi ujian akhir semester 4

2011-06-14T20:21:00.000+07:00

Ujian Akhir Semester

13 Juni 2011 - 24 Juni 2011

Waktu dan tempat menyesuaikan karena berbeda tiap mata kuliah.

Ujian ini kemungkinan akan menyebabkan terpisah jauhnya saya dari kehidupan dunia anak muda mulai dari kehidupan sosial seperti main, jalan-jalan, atau nonton, serta kehidupan di dunia maya seperti di twitter, fb, plurk, dan juga blog ini.

Semoga nggak ketiduran pas belajar dan semoga materi yang dipelajari bisa bermanfaat gak cuma buat sekarang tapi sampai besok entah kapan.

Semoga hasilnya baik dan tidak perlu remidi.

Semoga bisa memberi dan mendapat yang terbaik.

Amin.

Good bye for a while, pals.

Wish me, miss me, text me.

Gonna miss ya.

look who's on the cover!

2011-06-11T09:26:00.000+07:00

Two days before UAS and I haven’t study properly :(

Last night I planned to stay awake all night long but unfortunately I fell asleep at 11 p.m. and didn’t wake up until this morning :__(

Ah, but that’s okay. As long as Mr. Statham’s face stays at DSC Farmakologi, I find everything is okay #eh :P

The DSC cover belongs to Fikri.

laughs, conversations, pizzas, breads, and friends

2011-06-10T11:27:00.001+07:00

Had lunch with besties at last Wednesday and realized that I was too "cupu" for my age. LOL. I didn't understand some dirty words my friends threw that afternoon. The words that I--personally--never thought that those were exist in Javanese dictionary. -___-

done with this and that ;)

2011-06-10T11:09:00.001+07:00

I just want to scream this: Clinical Pathology Lab-Thingy, I'm done with youuuuuu! :D

kick your cliche

2011-06-06T10:29:00.002+07:00

Last Saturday I went to Kick Your Cliche with Andin, Reina, and Ratna after J.Co-ing with Andin :D

That was quite entertaining and I was so glad to watched Adhitia Sofyan's performance again. That was the second time I saw him after his last gig at Jogja at Purnabudaya, the last February.

So many thoughts hit my head that night. And well.. maybe this is what everyone in this circle need. A rest.

this morning it hits me hard that..

2011-06-04T08:32:00.000+07:00

"As I walk to the end of the line

I wonder if I should look back

To all of the things that were said and done

I think we should talk it over

Then I noticed the sign on your back

It boldly says try to walk away

I go on pretending I’ll be ok

This morning it hits me hard that

Still everyday I think about you

I know for a fact that’s not your problem

But if you change your mind you’ll find me

Hanging on to the place

Where the big blue sky collapse"

(Blue Sky Collapse - Adhitia Sofyan)

The picture belongs to Reina.

"... that figuring out phase could take years."

2011-05-31T19:14:00.000+07:00

"Some people met, fell in love, and sworn themselves to each other just 2 or 3 months after they first met.

Some were friends for years until they realized that they're actually meant for each other.

Some are probably like us. Can't live without each other for a while, then can't stand each other for a long while, then this.

And there's no advice or self-help books that can tell you what kind that you and your significant other are having right now.

You both just have to figure it out yourselves. And in some cases, that figuring out phase could take years. Like me and beno.

You just have to figure out what works for both of you to stay and grow together."

(Alexandra Rhea Wicaksono, from her twitter account @alexandrarheaw)

"... that figuring out phase could take years."

Berapa lama lagi ya, kira-kira? :)

bi yu es way: b-u-s-y

2011-05-29T10:53:00.002+07:00

Gonna make some quick reports here. Last week was full of group presentation. Had three presentations on Tuesday, and one presentation on Thursday.

Had a lab activity here at Thursday. From 8 till 12. And I was kind of made a mess on the pretest. So so so so so not sure with my answers :’(

And guess what, from about 20 experiments we had at that day, we only had one week to finish the lab report. Gaaaaaah, I’ve planned not to sleep the next two days to finish it.

Tomorrow I will have Pharmacology lab Responsi test. Six topics and now I’ve just done with three topics.

I better back to my book and do my best since if I still want to get a good mark at this class (without any remedial test), I have to rock tomorrow’s test. Bismillahhirrahmaanirrahiim. Wish me lots of luck, pals!

Catch ya later with a better feeling! Ciao!

this is saturday morning and my room looks like a trash

2011-05-28T10:54:00.002+07:00

like falling stars over your head, we were bound to burn out, but like crashing cars

2011-05-20T09:49:00.000+07:00

"When you forget me, when you don’t remember my name. Not even a memory, somewhere in the back of your brain.

I won’t be offended.

‘Cause I always knew that the day would come, when I’m not enough to make you stay.

You tell me it’s not possible, no way that we could break. But nothing is illogical, believe me."

(Falling Stars - David Archuleta)

I always feel like I'm not enough. And sooner or later, that day, the day when you don't remember me, will come. No one can tell us about the future. But this time, since this time, I will always pray to God and keep my faith. That I will never give up on anything I do because I know that someday I'll reach the stage when finally someone make me see my past and realize that I am enough.

"God, I pray for Your love, the love from someone who loves You, and the love from someone which will make me always close to You. Closer and closer. Amen."

when you went to a bookstore but you forgot to bring your wallet

2011-05-19T22:17:00.001+07:00

Today I went to Gramedia with Aga. And that was kind of annoying for me because I forgot to bring my wallet today. Yeah, I forgot to bring my wallet when I went to campus today and I just realize it when I was sitting at canteen. But the fact that I didn’t bring my wallet didn’t stop me and Aga to still went to bookstore after we made such an agreement that she’ll pay for my lunch and I’ll change it tomorrow. Mhuahahahaha.

We had lunch at Dunkin’ Donuts Gramedia because I was craving for donuts since last week. And, it tasted soooo goooood :D

I love donuts and I still want moooooore! I’ll say yes if you want to ask me out to eat donut again tomorrow.

The lucky number: 123

Couldn't buy this novel today :(

Have to go back again next time and make sure I don't forget my wallet.

The synopsis. Oh God, although I'm not sure with its story, I still want that boooooook :(

BEC. The book which made some Gramedia's people confused with its location since the relocation they did to the book-shelf.

I want ‘em! I want ‘em! I WANT ‘EEEEM!

I do love cute stationaries since in elementary school. And they are just so cute :3

My favorite Y

no more waste your life for something that doesn't worth to fight

2011-05-17T10:02:00.000+07:00

When I look back at that moment, I miss my old self.

I miss that girl as much as I miss the sunshine in the gloomy day.

Yesterday, I tweeted something:

"Hanya ketika rasa tersebut berbalas, hal itu patut untuk diusahakan."

After a long journey I had the last 4 years, I know that I walked that far to realize. I don't want to lie and say that it doesn't hurt at all.

I don't want to waste my life again.

God knows that this is the best way for me. He gave me this way because He knew that I could do it.

The last time I saw sunshine, I knew that his shine will be just brighter and brighter. And I know that the light in me will be as bright as his. I won't let this light go out again. I'll break my leg and I promise :)

got my old number back

2011-05-17T09:33:00.001+07:00

Yippie, I got my number back!

Now you can call and text me on my old number again.

I'm sooooooo happy. Alhamdulillah, makasih ya Allah :))

hello sunday and hello again my spirit

2011-05-15T10:32:00.000+07:00

Okay, well, the Sunday morning is here. I feel good and happy enough although I have a lot of tasks to arrange and do. Well, I've just reached my lowest point last week. That was hard, really hard to be honest.
I lost my cell phone (plus the number) and I don't understand anything during my Friday class although at that day I'm pretty sure I did good at Prosthodonsia post test. Sigh. I must thank Allah for that and I really wish I can get good result at the end of this semester.

Well, after Wednesday, Saturday was the hardest and the damnest one. I was under pressure and everyone I know just couldn't help at all. And I cried.
I know that was kind of childish. But yeah, I did. I cried because I just couldn't stand it anymore. I lost my mind.

I have to text or dm or send some friends message on facebook to tell them the other number of mine. That thing just really made me annoyed and tired because on the other hand, I still have many assignments to do. Losing my Simpati number is suck as hell because I used to stay in touch with my friends (highschool and university) with that number. And in a week full of group tasks like this, I really need to keep in touch with my groups.
And the annoying thing just went like this: I wanted to text X to ask her to do P. But then, when I was going to text X, i just remember that I didn't have her number. So, I had to text Y first to ask her about X's number so I can text X to do P.
That was such a crap.
And that circle happened not only twice. Sigh.

But that's okay. Since it's Sunday and I'll have break till Tuesday and my feeling goes better. I will be fine, folks. I will :)

Well, I'm gonna shut my mouth up now and finish my Oral Surgery paper and it's about Oroanthral Fistula. Writing the paper makes me think twice about what my father wants me to be: an oral surgeon. So far, I'm not sure with that. I still prefer endodontic as my specialty. Ah, that was one of my dreams in this life and I wish I can reach it :))

Umm, amyway, thank you very much for some of you who just texted me and tried to make me feel fine. I know guys, I will always can count on you. Thank youuuuuuuuuh :""D

Love ya guys, XOXO

you can go your own way

2011-05-15T08:10:00.001+07:00

This video taken from the 19th episode of the second season of Glee.

The way Rachel sing it remind me about that feeling.

"You can go your own way."

dropped my cell phone somewhere i don't know

2011-05-11T18:25:00.000+07:00

This morning I was in a little hurry so I put both of my cell phones at the front pocket of my bag. I went to campus and had classes from 8 till 12, and then I went to library to do some group tasks.

I went home at 2 p.m. I reached home, had lunch, and went to supermarket with my cousin. Then, at 5 p.m. I took my bag and realized that one of my cell phone was disappeared.

I guess I’ve just dropped it somewhere on the way go to campus or back to campus or during moving class from the 3^rd floor to the library or… yeah I don’t know. The point is I lost my cell phone and I don’t know how to get my number back since the next two days I’ll be really busy and the operator from the call center said that I have to go to Grapari myself to get my number blocked first and I can get it back again. Oh God, why those Grapari people can’t make this easier for me. The next two days I have full classes and I have no time to sneak out to get my number back. Oh God, I need to make a cloning of myself. So, when the one is sitting at the class, the other one is trying to get the lost number back. Crap crap crap! Super crap! :(

not to mention that i'm going to make the same mistake twice

2011-05-10T21:22:00.000+07:00

The last time I felt something like this and threw some words at social network, it cost me a weird—total weird—friendship with one of my best guy. Don’t want to bring the cycle back; I try my best to shut my mouth up and leave the social networks for a while.

Lesson learned. Don’t write anything you’re gonna regret later when you’re under uncontrolled emotion, bad mood, or something else.

happy 21st wedding anniversary

2011-05-09T14:09:00.000+07:00

Happy 21st wedding anniversary dear mom and dad,

thank you for years of love

and thank you for showing me what commitment is.

May Allah always bless your love forever.

Amin.

another massive headache and heartache here

2011-05-08T09:28:00.000+07:00

Last night I woke up at 2 a.m. with a massive headache. Sigh. I have to deal with a lot of things here lately. And I’ll be lucky enough if those things don’t drive me crazy. But the fact that someone has just drop another headache and maybe heartache too makes me feel like a crap and I don’t want to give up. Not again. Just because it hurts, it doesn’t mean I can forget my obligation and not finish my duty well.

I lost my appetite this morning but realizing that my headache is gone made me glad. My mother asked me to have breakfast twice and I’m still not in the mood for that. I still stay in my room, doing my pharmacology lab report and radiology dental paper.

Happy Sunday, people. I have to back to my assignment and.. yeah let’s see maybe this afternoon or evening I can back to this blog and throw something about this mood swing.

the second answer

2011-05-06T18:24:00.000+07:00

It’s all gray and cloudy. The little drops soon will fall from the sky. And I am still looking for something to make me all complete.

I saw this way all wet from the rain before. I fell and cried so hard. Tried to breath, tried to stay alive. The first answer, the only thing I waited for about two years finally came. And that was the reason why the sky was all gray and cloudy. That was the reason why I cried.

Now I’m waiting for the second answer. I wish this is the last answer. I fell and cried before. I don’t want to fall again but I really want to cry. I want to cry in the tears of happiness.

I know it’s all gray and cloudy. Soon, this way will be all wet from the rain. Oh God, I just want to run and cry.

“Heart can’t lie. Heart can’t lie.”

I keep talking like the chant will just work on me.

“Heart can’t lie. Heart can’t lie.”

People around me keep talking and I just can’t hear the voice from my own heart.

It’s all grey and cloudy. And some drops just hit the pavement. But these drops didn’t fall from the sky.

my definition of monday morning

2011-05-02T10:33:00.000+07:00

Monday means Pharmacology day. Pharmacology day means Pharmacology class and Pharmacology lab activity in a day. BoooHooo! B-)

Here, I have a great quote I found this morning:
"Bertindaklah.

Karena jika Anda tidak mengetahui caranya,

Anda akan dibuat tahu dalam melakukannya."

Mario Teguh

Have a great Monday and a great week, guys! Keep your spirit up and never let anything bring you down! Yeah!

P.S.: I also want to say congrats to my two friends--Kunthi and Latif--who had just celebrate their engagement last night :)

still have so many things and tasks to do but i don't mind

2011-04-30T08:08:00.001+07:00

Thank God, the week is done :D
So, this week, finally, I'm done with my prosthodonsia lab skill. Yeay, alhamdulillah :)
The last pharmacology lab activity will be held next Monday, and the next week I will have a break, and if I'm not mistaken, the next week I will have it's responsi. My clinical pathology will be held two or three weeks from now. Dental radiology discussion will be started next week and from the schedule, my group will present our paper 4 weeks from now. And I still have some tasks for the next 3 or 4 weeks: Oral Surgery paper and presentation, Oral Biology paper and presentation, Operative Dentistry discussion class, and many more. Ouch. The hectic weeks will come and I need more than caffeine to make my eyes wide open. Wish me a lot of luck, fellas. Ciao!

And finally... I went to Kalimilk with my friends the last Wednesday. We tried some menus. So far, my favorite is the strawberry milk. Sluuuuurp! :3

Go and follow Kalimilk's twitter: @Kalimilk :)

hey you someone i don't know

2011-04-26T00:12:00.001+07:00

Eh, dulu kita pernah kenalan, ya, sebelumnya? Maaf ya, sekalipun aku yakin dulu--dulu sekali, jauh sebelum ini--aku pernah diberi tahu siapa namamu, tapi aku benar-benar lupa.
Aku yang sekarang tidak bisa mengingat nama kamu siapa. Aku kesulitan mencari kamu. Di antara jutaan orang di dunia ini yang sedang mencari sesuatu--atau mungkin seseorang--seperti aku mencari kamu, aku benar-benar kebingungan.

Mungkin Tuhan pernah menitipkan sebuah pertanda.

Lewat sebuah nama. Yang pernah membuatku menoleh saat mendengar sepotong nama itu.

Tapi itu sudah lama. Lama sekali. Waktu itu aku masih duduk di sekolah dasar ketika aku mendengar sepotong nama yang bagiku terdengar indah dan luar biasa. Sebuah nama yang secara ajaib membuatku menoleh dan melongok untuk melihat siapa si pemilik nama itu.

Tahun demi tahun pun berlalu. Aku tidak mengenal banyak orang dengan sepotong kata luar biasa menjadi bagian dari nama lengkap mereka. Benar-benar tidak banyak. Bahkan kalau mau main hitung-hitungan dengan jari, kupastikan kalau seluruh jari tanganku saja masih sisa untuk menghitungnya.

Aku masih tidak mengerti. Di antara jutaan kata yang ada di dunia, kenapa hanya satu kata itu yang membuatku menoleh. Hingga aku menyelesaikan sekolahku di SMA, aku selalu menoleh setiap mendengar ada orang memiliki nama itu. Siapa pun orangnya, aku selalu menoleh. Tak peduli apakah dia itu adik kelas, kakak kelas, teman les, atau anak kecil yang diajak orang tuanya main ke rumah. Entah kenapa.

Aku merasa seperti dekat dan sudah lama mengenal sepotong nama itu. Sepotong nama yang terasa akrab sekali di telinga padahal tak satu pun saudara dekatku atau tetangga sebelah rumahku memiliki nama itu. Aneh, bukan? Ya, ini aneh sekali. Sungguh aneh.

Ini aneh. Apa mungkin kamu ada diantara orang-orang yang pernah kutemui itu? Atau mungkin kamu adalah orang lain yang belum sempat kujumpai? Atau mungkin... hahaha, aku terlalu capek memikirkan kemungkinan-kemungkinan lain.

Blah.

when the morning came

2011-04-23T16:31:00.000+07:00

It was one of those mornings when I really wish you were there with me at that moment. We could see the sunrise and talked about how we ended the night.

"Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place" *

I miss you, my sun. The biggest star I know in the universe.

*) Westlife - Flying Without Wings

good night world, finally i'm done with the lab report

2011-04-19T02:20:00.002+07:00

Oh, hey, good night universe!

I've just spent the last 7,5 hours working on my radiology dental lab report. Fiuh. Wow, so glad finally I’m done with that. This is the thickest lab report I ever wrote in my entire life. Hahaha. Yeah, I’m serious with that. 32 pages to be exact and I still have to add some checklist papers to it.

Yay, yay! I'm happy when finally I saw my lab reports. All of the hard work and effort I put to it really worth the feeling I feel now. I'm proud of myself. :P Yeay! *dance*

It's 01.50 a.m. I haven't sleep but that's ok since tomorrow I'll have class at 8 a.m. which means I still have enough hours to sleep. Right now I'm listening to John Mayer's "Comfortable".

I don't know how many times I listened to this song at the last two or three days. The song makes me feel fine and that feeling is more than anything I need now. Thank God I finally found a song which can describe my feeling and really helped me with the "berdamai dengan hati sendiri" thing :)

Yes, I just try to be honest with myself about all of my feelings.

"It's about loving someone. Although your love was broken in, you feel comfortable that way. So, when you meet someone perfect who's more perfect than the person you love, you just not impressed with this perfect person because your love to someone you love can't be replaced with anything."

Dear God, thank you so much for the chance you give me that I can learn and know how loving your living creature feels. That was such a great feeling, God. And I know I just can't walk with that right now. So, can You just keep the feeling away from me? And can You bring it back again to me when the time is perfect? :)

Yeah, I know You will :')

there, at the traffic light, i stopped and cried

2011-04-07T17:22:00.000+07:00

It was Monday morning. I was on the way to campus. It was the first day of the midterm. The regulation is clear: when the red light is on, you must stop your motorcycle or car. So, when the red light was on, I stopped there and looked around.
There, I saw something. I saw something which hurt and broke my heart from the first second my brain processed and interpreted the thing that had been caught by my eyes.
I looked at him. An old man, alone, in his uniform, with old black shoes, black bag, and tremor hands.

Just in some seconds, I could feel my eyes filled with a magical thing called tears.

I cried.

I felt a lot of emotions in my heart and I found nothing I could do. At that moment, I knew God want to remind me.
I always wish that world can be a good place for everyone. I wish that this universe can become a nice place to live for every living creature God made. No one feels alone, no one gets hurt, no one cries. Smiles and laughs are something that can be found easily in the air. Everywhere you turn your head, you just see happiness.

I always want it to be that way. And I always want to be a part of it. I always want to do my best to make it happen.

When I looked at that old man, I felt sorry. I felt guilty. For every little complains that came out from my mouth, from every laziness and carelessness I had. God has reminded me. I shouldn’t love anything more than I love Him. I should be more grateful for life I have, for every dreams I have which starts to come true one by one. For something I’m going to do as my best contribution to the universe.

“We are not wrong to have this life because we also try to share it with others. But since you now understand what you have, you must promise that you will return what you have, the facilities you enjoy, by doing best things you believe to help and contribute to people and humankind. If you remember the old man you met today by studying hard and believe that someday you can help people like him, that is enough and good. So, please do not cry, My Dear."

God, I know You’re behind all of this.

this weekend: nail polish, gloomy sky, es bon bon :3

2011-04-03T14:53:00.000+07:00

Tomorrow I’ll have my 4^th semester midterm. Time flies, eh?

I want to make this as a quick post so... here are what I had this weekend:

I do something with my nails. I polished it with pale pink nail polish at last Friday night. I can't remember the last time I wore nail polish. It must be one of the high school days. I didn't know why I suddenly decided to do it again. I'm just happy with that. I plan to buy a green nail polish for next month :3

This weekend I woke up and suddenly I wanted to read a chapter from Rectoverso. Dee is really brilliant!

"Aliran ini memecah. Indah. Meski aku berbalik pergi

dan tak kembali."

Somehow, I could see a piece of me in that one chapter. I just don't know what to say.

My favorite: es bon bon :3
It's so nice to eat one or two or three and act like a 5 years old girl on a Sunday morning.

Finally I'm done with the anasir gigi and the wax thingy :')

Sunday morning with gloomy sky. I will always miss you.

gonna have some hectic weeks

2011-03-28T05:57:00.016+07:00

Gonna have some hectic weeks here. I’ll start my dental radiography lab activities this week. Tomorrow I’ll take the radiograph and have some checklists with my lab assistant and that means I won’t go home earlier than 5 p.m. This is the last week before midterm and I haven’t prepared anything. Maybe I’ll try to study at the last minute since I still have some tasks to finish before next week.

Well, I’m just too tired to complain. I’m exhausted these days. My energy runs out but I still have to push myself to run and run. Fine, everything is okay. I know that God will always give me more power. I know.
Anyway, I have some trouble here with my notebook. I’m going to call my mom to talk about that but.. well, I think I already know what’ll come from her after hearing my trouble: Go and talk to your Dad! I don’t understand about those computer things, Dear.
:|

feels good to touch the weekend again

2011-03-19T17:58:00.002+07:00

It’s so good to touch the weekend again after a week full with sore throat and flu. And it feels so good to wear some old t-shirt and jeans and throw those blouses away for a while. Yeah, life can be boring too sometimes no matter how much you work your best to make it fun.

So many things I want to write and tell you here BUT I still don’t know how to say it. From my past experience, the different interpretation could make the condition become worse, so I think it’s better to stay calm for now while I keep searching the best way to makes those damn thought out from my head.

Last Monday, I started my first Pharmacology lab activity. We worked with three white rats. I just didn’t want to touch them, anyway. The lab activity went good but right now I’m stuck on its report. Grrrrrr. And finally I got ACC for those klamer things at Prosthodonsia lab. Yeah, (Alhamdulillah) now I’m working on the anasir gigi.

My spirit went up and down along this week. Maybe a new header blog will boost my mood tomorrow :)

Anyway, I feel like I missed something at these past days.

when hugs and kisses become the best cure

2011-03-15T20:08:00.001+07:00

Having someone to hug and kiss you when you had such a bad day or bad condition will always make you feel better. Today, he hugged and kissed me. It was more that a cure for me. Thank you, dear :’)

p.s.: Anyway, he's not my son. He's my cousin :P

random afternoon and random songs

2011-03-15T19:11:00.000+07:00

This afternoon, I decided to go home earlier. My condition became worse since yesterday. I got a sore throat. It hurts every time I have to swallow or say something.
While waited for lunch, I tried to take a nap. But I don’t know why, somehow, it was hard for me to sleep. So, I took my phone and turned on the music. Well, I know beforehand that songs always bring out someone’s memory that related to that song. So, guess what I did after that? Yeah, I got myself listened to some songs and drown in every single thing I that flashed through my mind.

Here are the songs I listened:

The Climb – Miley Cyrus
Back to my senior high school year. Hahahaha. One of the greatest years I have in my life. Ujian akhir sekolah, ujian nasional, university entrance test, and many more.
Back to that time, I was a high school student with a lot of curiousness. I couldn’t wait the time when finally I graduated from high school but at the same time I just too afraid to lose my friends. Galau versi anak kelas XII lah.

When Did You Fall (in Love with Me) – Chris Rice
Wow, since I shuffled the playlist, I was kind of surprised when I found this song. Well, this is a sentimental thing for me.
This song reminded me about someone. He’s a very very very good person. Kinda perfect, I think. He never fails to put smile on my face, from ear to ear. He makes me laugh but he can be very annoyed sometimes. He didn’t let me get lost in translation… bla bla bla. Hahahaha, bakalan nggerus banget kalau diterusin.
Well, every story must have an end, right? Let’s say semuanya sudah tamat walau hanya sepihak. I’m not good enough for him this time and I think he deserves the special one :)

Your Love – Gita Gutawa ft. Delon
This is the song I listen almost every night before I sleep. This song always has enough power to calm me down. And the most important thing is this song always reminds me that I must thank God for each day and chance I had in this life.

Hate that I Love You – Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo
Well, I didn’t have any memory related to this song. But somehow, I wonder about the feeling of loving and hating someone at the same time. What a galau feeling! -_-

Waiting for Yesterday – David Archuleta
My lunch was ready before this song ended. So, I turned off the music, saved this post to draft, and left my room.

Have a good day, teman-teman ;) (wave)

bowls of ramen

2011-03-13T09:22:00.001+07:00

Went to Nikkou Ramen at Jalan A. M. Sangaji with my friends on Friday. (mmm) (hungry)

This week, I woke up and realize that I'm older. Yes, I'm 20 now. And the more I realize that I'm not a teenager that can plays around anymore, the more I know what kind of life I want to have in the future, what kind of job I will take, and many more.

p.s.: those photos belong to Aga ;)

the 3rd week

2011-03-06T01:33:00.000+07:00

Last week I wasn’t really busy. At Thursday and Friday I was kind of tired since the lab activities did drain my energy. I also went to Mandiri with Aga at Friday and had lunch at McD after that. There, we met a cute little boy with his mother. Hahaha. And the next hour, I found myself helped some friends with their work model and articulator :-)

Everything went great for me and I must thank Allah for that :-)

concert for harmony with adhitia sofyan

2011-02-28T13:23:00.002+07:00

Last Saturday I went to Concert for Harmony at Gedung Purnabudaya UGM with Prima, Andin, and Andin’s friends from Teknik Arsitektur UGM 2009. The pouring rain didn’t stop us. Hehee.

The concert was started at 7.30 p.m. and opened with the video from CRCS’s program. After that, the concert was continued with the performance from Diyn, Blacklist Hip Hop, Sastromoeni, The Cadenzza, Rizky Summerbee and The Honeythief (plus Frau), and finally.. Adhitia Sofyan! WooHooo! :D

I heard about 10 songs from Adhitia Sofyan before finally I went home earlier with Prima. Here are the songs Adhit sang that night: Memilihmu, In To You, Blue Sky Collapse, Adelaide Sky, Tik Tik Tik Bunyi Hujan, After the Rain, My Number One, Cublak-Cublak Suweng, Gaze, and Foget Jakarta. I went home at midnight after Adhitia Sofyan sang Forget Jakarta.

Wow, that was a great night anyway! The audiences were great! We sang along from the first song till the last one! Superb! :D

the second week

2011-02-26T06:38:00.003+07:00

Welcoming Dies Natalis at RSGMP FKG UGM)

The atrium of RP building at FKUGM

RP building, which is similar to RSGMP.

My two babies.

(Y)

Hello! It’s been days without blogging. Yeah, let’s say I’m a little busy last week. Had Prosthodonsia and Dental Radiology Pretest, added extra SKS for this semester, bought some new stuffs for preclinical activities like impression trays, and many more, and finally, I met my mom again after a full week without her :’)

Well, February is almost over. Next week I’ll meet March and that means I will soon celebrate my 20th birthday! W-O-W!

And for this week, I went to RP building at FK UGM, met some old friends on the way back from there, had lunch at Kantin Medika after Prostodonsia lab activity, and I got my first two baby. Hiks, I was too happy so I couldn't stop my tears :')

the 4th semester is here

2011-02-15T08:40:00.000+07:00

Accidently I wore pink outfit yesterday. Hahaha. I didn’t realize that yesterday was Val-Day until some friends greeted me.

Alhamdulillah yesterday I have met my DPA and everything went good. I got her signature on my KRS paper and she gave me and my friends many good advices. I think that was a good thing to start this semester. Yeah, I will have another hectic semester here. And I have made my commitment too. Wish me luck! :D

liburnya habis :D

2011-02-13T10:09:00.000+07:00

The holiday is over. But I’m glad because I did have fun at this semester break. I watched some movies, bought and read some books, nggosip with high school friends, had lunch and dinner with besties, attended some wedding ceremonies, went to Museum Affandi, and many more. Hahaha. Alhamdulillah :)
The last holiday was superb! Thank you for my besties! Thank you for the laugh, joy, and tears! See ya at the next semester break! :D

Tomorrow I will have my first class, Farmakologi, at 7 a.m. Here’s my schedule:

Bismillahhirrahmaanirrahiim. Wish me luck! :)

just a random morning thought

2011-02-11T08:57:00.001+07:00

Love story – Taylor Swift
When did you fall in love with me? – Chris Rice
Running – David Archuleta
Your body is a wonderland – John Mayer
Enchanted – Taylor Swift
This morning I played those songs and somehow the songs made me got a flashback.

I don’t think that I fall in love. I’m just happy. Period. I put some love songs at my playlist but that doesn’t because I’m in love with someone. Once again, I’m just happy.

Those songs could make my heart way warmer. I know I have turned into a sad bit*h a year ago. I tried to fake smile, laugh, and everything. Wished those things could make me feel better.
Just because someone left you, it didn’t mean your world stopped. The world still spins. If you try to slow down your rhythm and think that the world will slow down its rhythm too, you just make a mistake, my friend.

Let me tell you: the world will always spin and will never slow down its rhythm. Never. All you have to do just keep on running no matter how hurt it is.
I couldn’t remember how many liters of tears I had. I did cry that time. I lost one of my best guys and I knew that I would never have him again. I did cry but I didn’t stop there. I didn’t let my rhythm went slow.

I lost him, I could feel the pain, I could remember the day when the glows left my face. But then, I’m glad I never gave up my life. I tried to acknowledge everything and guess what, the life gave me other things to smile and be grateful at.

This time, I can feel the glow again. My bruises have healed and now my heart is warmer than before. I learned that I have to be more careful than before. I’m grateful for this life, for those dark days, and for the lessons life gave me. I’m grateful for everything.

You may lose someone in your life but maybe you’ll find another better one at the next day :)
Just keep on running..

KRS

2011-02-07T07:36:00.000+07:00

This Monday: Portal Akademik --> Login --> Kartu Rencana Studi --> Check the list --> Tambah --> Done!

Welcome 4^th semester! Five lab activities every week, full classes, another lab reports, restless night! Boohoo! The holiday is almost over. Next Monday I will have my first class. Can't wait to see the schedule.

Goodluck! XOXO

another update

2011-02-06T17:47:00.000+07:00

Yesterday I went to my senior’s wedding with Debia and some friends. After the wedding, I had a long chat with Debia. We haven’t met since high school graduation because she left right after she was accepted in UI. Yesterday we talked about many things from the wedding songs to the closest boy-friends we had at campus. Somehow, I could see that I had many similarities with her. The way we see something, the way we think about something, and many more. Hahaha. And I made a deal with her, anyway. Hahaha. The deal was about the wedding song we will sing for our spouse at our wedding day. Hahahaha, I hope both of us get such an amnesia or something so no one remember the deal at the D-day :P

I didn't take any picture, anyway. So, if you want to see the wedding's photos, you can go to my senior's or my friend's facebook page. They have uploaded the pictures since this morning. Or maybe you can click this link. Those photos belong to Mas Yoga.

Anyway, Debia has left with a night train last night. She had to go back to Jakarta since her classes will begin this Monday. Good luck, Deb! I know you'll do great! XOXOXO

Eh, eh, have I told you if I had a new blog? I realize that these days I never wrote on my journal again. So, I decided to make this daily blog ;)
Click here to visit my online journal ;)

my unhealthy sleep cycle

2011-01-26T20:41:00.000+07:00

These days I’m a little bit confused with my sleep cycle. At the last semester, I used to sleep in 2 or 3 – 5 hours in a day although sometimes there were one-or-two-days every two weeks where I just closed my eyes in an hour and I felt like I didn’t sleep at all. And now, when the semester break comes, I just cannot understand why I always feel so sleepy all the time. I could fall asleep when I was watching TV in the morning, after did an afternoon pray, and sometimes (this is the worst part after all) after had dinner.

I always hate it when I woke up and realize that I lost my precious time. I could use it to finish the novel I read, write something, text someone, or just think about something. And now, I just miss the time when I just had only a little time to sleep. I don’t know why, I just enjoy it. I enjoy the time when I am the only one who stay awake at night. Yeah, although sometimes when I just slept at two hours at night and had a full classes and lab activities at the next day, I could feel my head was dizzy, and I could feel the pain in every single part of my body.

But hey, now I can’t differentiate the dizziness caused by the lack hours of sleep and having more sleep hours than someone should have. It feels the same and somehow, I think it is better when I have lack hours of sleep. At least, I can have more time to do more things.

Maybe this sounds weird for many people. You may think I’m weird because I prefer less sleep hours. But you should know that I just love it. I love it when I just have a little time to do unimportant things. I love the rush in life. I mean, I think the rush is the dynamic of life. It never makes me bored. The more hectic the situation, the more I want to improve my skill to manage my life. And I’m happy every time I could pass a hectic week. I don’t care with my broken back, leg, or my dizzy head. The happiness beats them all and I just don’t want to slow down my rhythm.

No, I’m not run from something. I just want to give the best for my life. A person has some aspects in life: love life, career, family life, etc. And now, since I don’t have any personal relationship with someone and I haven’t start a family, I think it’s better to keep my focus on my dentistry study and my dreams.

Sigh. Ah, I better fix my sleep cycle this week. At least I will try to control it to the normal hours on this holiday. I don’t want another headache on this holiday.

3rd semester

2011-01-25T14:57:00.002+07:00

Taman Pintar, July 2010
That was a good time I had with some friends. We ended the 2nd semester with laugh and tried to laugh before we started the new one.

Taken at 2nd floor of auditorium.
One of the best places if you want to spend your time with some chats with friends, read the petunjuk praktikum, study before exams, or just duduk-duduk gembira. Hahahaa.

Taken at the 5th floor of RSGM
These are how we killed the time and boredom and stresses. We took some pictures, laughed, smiled, and went crazy anytime and anywhere.

The stuffs: from felt sleepy when waited for a class, the bag and textbook, to 'how to get a perfect polishing effect' at Dental Anatomy's lab activities :p

I started this semester with a lot of heartbeats. I was afraid with this semester since my seniors said that the third semester is one of the hardest in dentistry school life. My mind flew to my second semester. I still remember that time when life was like a komedi putar and 24 hours was never enough. Eergh. I wanted to cry all the time. I remember the time when I told my friend, “Aku takut nggak sanggup,” right after I saw the semester’s schedule.

But then, after those worried feelings, I tried to face everything that was offered to me. And finally, alhamdulillah I could pass my 3^rd semester, one of the busiest semesters I ever had so far, besides the 2^nd semester. Well, many things happened from the good one to the bad one. From the things that made me happy to the things that made me mad, sad, and wanted to cry :(

But I learned that there are always good things after those bad memories. There are always a lot of things to be learned. Alhamdulillah. I don’t know what to say. Again, I’m nothing without Allah :’)

P.S.: The pictures belong to Reina, Aga, and me.

upgrading mpk 2010/2011

2011-01-19T11:45:00.003+07:00

Hello, I’m about to face a semester break. Last week I had my last exam and this week I just have to wait for the update from Portal Akademik. I hope I can give my parents such good news :)

Anyway, last Saturday, I went to TKIT Anak Sholeh Sedayu. I attended Upgrading MPK 2010/2011. I had so much fun with my besties there. I met my senior and junior at high school and couldn’t stop share some laughs with them.

TKIT Anak Sholeh Sedayu

Some of my juniors, MPK 2010/2011

My juniors were playing airsoftgun at a field near the kindergarten and my senior--Mas Yoga, Mas Imam, Mas Adhit were watching from the sidelines.

Oh God, I realized how much I miss them after years. And it was a big, super big surprise from Allah, when suddenly I met Mbak Yusvita (Teladan 2007). Hahaha. She hugged me and I hugged her back. It’s been more than 2 years since the last time we saw each other. Well, and the next hours, I found myself and Charina have a great chat with Mbak Vita :')
Somehow, I just want to stop the time and stay with them for a while. Melihat mereka membuat saya merasa bahwa selama ini saya sudah pergi jauuuuuh banget dari ‘rumah’. It felt so warm to stand next to them. Felt like there was something protects me all the time. Felt like I was home :)

After all, my favorite was the swing. I love riding it since I was a kindergarten kid <3

children learn what they live

2011-01-15T09:24:00.000+07:00

if children live with criticism, they learn to condemn

if children live with hostility, they learn to fight

if children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy

if children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty

if children live with encouragement, they learn confidence

if children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient

if children live with praise, they learn to appreciate

if children live with acceptance, they learn to love

if children live with approval, they learn to like themselves

if children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness

if children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and others

if children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live

(Dorothy Law Nolte)

My two little boys <3

i'm coming back home

2011-01-07T19:30:00.001+07:00

It was really nice to see your happy faces again. I know it was just two hours, but it was more than enough to shut my mouth up. Nothing I can say but I was soooo glad to meet you, another big family of mine, MPK OBTB :)

Home is a place where the heart is. Home is places where I can see people I heart’s smile and laugh. And yes, I’m coming back home :)

P.S. : I still prefer MPK OBTB than MPK OSIS BTB. Don’t know why. I love that name. Who cares with Ejaan Bahasa Indonesia yang Disempurnakan? Who cares with what ‘queen bee’ said? (Don’t be that rude, Sar.) People have their own rights to choose a name for their beloved family, don’t they? ;)

social network

2011-01-06T10:50:00.003+07:00

Last night, one of my friends, Akbar, decided to quit from a social network he joined months ago. I read some comments from my friends at his status. Most of them questioned why he decided to quit.

Well, what I want to talk here is about the social network I joined. Honestly, I had some account out there besides Friendster and Facebook. Yeah, I joined Twitter and Plurk too.

Sometimes, I felt so weird because I think I have joined too many social networks these days. Hahaha. But then, I have a big reason why I still stay with them without any desire to shut them down. The reason is because I still want to keep in touch with my friends. Okay, this reason maybe makes you want to ask me back with this question: Why don’t you try to manage your friends just in one account? You can choose the biggest social network and just watch what your friends said in an open window.

Well, that’s what I really want. But, it’s something that just hard to do. Most of my friends used Facebook but they also use the other social network like Twitter which is easier and more simple to manage. With Facebook, I will keep in touch with my junior, senior, and friends in junior high school and senior high school; college friends; families; teachers; lecturers; my favorite writers; and so on, since Facebook provides an easy way to share your writings with its ‘note’ application, tag your friends in a photo, or just send some warm texts to friends. With Twitter, I will always get update of important information, gossips, and friends statuses. I also love Twitter because it’s really such a good place for someone like me, who loves to write everything I have just saw, heard, or read, to share what I’ve just got to the other people. And the last one, Plurk—my latest social network, I just cannot leave the warmness I feel every time I open it. Maybe it caused by most of my friends on Plurk are my high school friends so it always like give me a feeling like I still have them with me. It makes me feel like I still have and share my days with them although at the reality, I just can see them once in a month, or once in a semester break.

So, this is just nice to stay with some open windows in front of my eyes, watching what my friends say and share about their condition, feeling, emotion, or good information. I still feel fine every time I turn my PC or notebook on and open three pages--and sometimes four (plus this Blogger account) at the same time :P
This activity--opening some social network pages at the same time--is a fun thing for me because I always feel like I really close to all of my friends although we're miles away. Yeah, I know, nothing better than meet them, besties, in a real moment, but at least, those social networks really minimize the distance.

In a day, I always check my account at two or three times—I talk about a normal condition, not in exam weeks, or a holiday—but I just wrote my status at once. Most of the time, I just open my account—with my notebook or PC or handphone—and read what my friends wrote, laugh at some statuses, leave some comments, or just close the window without leave anything.
Hey, my Facebook/Twitter/Plurk buddies, you will always have my heart right there!

January 5th, 2011

2011-01-05T23:41:00.000+07:00

I checked the calendar and got shock.

The rime runs faster than I thought. And someone too. He runs, leaves my mind, and I don't know whether he will come back or not.

I'm too busy with my exams. But so far, I found that that's good, really good. I mean, I will have no time to think about unimportant things and.. Yeah, that's just good.

akhir 2010

2010-12-31T21:41:00.001+07:00

Can’t believe that this is the end of 2010. Can’t believe that now I stand at the end of my 3rd semester. And can’t believe that this evening I could have a superb chat with my mates from MPK 0708.

You know, an old proverb told us that life is a mystery. We never know what will happen in the future. Just like when yesterday I didn’t know things that happened today and just like now, when I’m sitting alone in my room, watching Iron Man and Transformer at the same time, and not knowing about things will happen tomorrow.

2010 is such a great year. I changed a lot, I smiled, I laughed, I jumped, I fell, I cried, I swept my tears, I tried to hide my feelings, I lost my best shoes, I missed my best guy, I cried for someone, I cried because of something/someone, I got ban bocor accident for the very first time, I passed anatomical lab activities with good mark in every pre-test (I’m super proud with that), I closed my eyes and someone suddenly appeared in my mind..

I never thought before that I would become a very different person just in one year.

Things happened in 2010. Planned and unplanned. Sometimes in life, I plan this, I plan that, and suddenly the unplanned things just come. I want this, I want that, but sometimes the unwanted things just happened. See, the unplanned and unwanted things are the mystery. I can’t predict them.

We can fight for something we really want in life. But after all, when the “mystery” parts come, we can’t do anything. We just can take them as bonus or jackpot. For me, I think the mystery parts are the proof that God does exist. He watches every step I take and He will always show me the best way. So, when I plan for something and suddenly the unwanted things happen, all that I can say is that the plan I have is not the best plan for me. God wants another plan for me, another better one.

So, this time, at the end of 2010, I prepare some plans for the coming year. I have plans; I will fight and give my best and let God works and corrects my plan because life will always become a mystery for now and forever, as long as He wants it.

Happy New Year, people! Hugs and Kisses for you and your beloved family. Let’s share the happiness together!

Hey, 2011, please be nice! ;)

Let the magic works, let the mystery take parts! Because that's how God corrects our imperfect plan :)

With love, Sari.

cold as raindrops

2010-12-29T15:47:00.000+07:00

I could be as cold as the raindrops if I want.

persiapan responsi PA

2010-12-28T23:30:00.000+07:00

I started this responsi week with responsi PA--Patologi Anatomi.

Neoplasia

Lipoma: preparat yang paling gampang buat digambar. Haha.

Tumor Warthin / Adenolimfoma: preparat yang paling masyaAllah ngerjainnya karena ada jaringan limfoidnya jadi isinya full buletan dan titik-titik -___-

Trombus: preparat yang entah kenapa paling jadi favorit saya di buku kerja saya. Mungkin karena gambar saya keliatan rapih di situ :P

Foto Preparat - Petunjuk Praktikum (Juprak) - Catatan Praktikum (Caprak)
Gak sia-sia sejak hari Sabtu sampai Senin siang (detik-detik menjelang responsi) saya ngabisin waktu buat 'makan' barang-barang di atas.

Semoga hasilnya memuaskan!
Amin :D
Good luck everyone for this responsi and tentamen week!

random post

2010-12-25T09:23:00.000+07:00

So, this is me again, with low spirit. I don’t know why, these days I feel like my spirit can evaporate easily. And I’m going to have 3 weeks full of exams. I want to cry. Right now.

Anyway, 2 days ago I made a hand-made pop-up card for my friend, Luky. I made it at 3 a.m. in the morning after finished my biokimia resume. Not bad, huh?

Joyeux noel, Luky!

spasi

2010-12-19T12:30:00.000+07:00

a beautiful writing from one of my favorite authors, Dewi Lestari.
Enjoy!

SPASI

Seindah apa pun huruf terukir, dapatkah Ia bermakna apabila tak ada jeda? Dapatkah Ia dimengerti jika tak ada spasi?

Bukankah kita baru bisa bergerak jika ada jarak? Dan saling menyayang bila ada ruang? Kasih sayang akan membawa dua orang makin berdekatan, tapi Ia tak ingin mencekik, jadi ulurlah tali itu.

Nafas akan melega dengan sepasang paru-paru yang tak dibagi. Darah mengalir deras dengan jantung yang tidak dipakai dua kali. Jiwa tidaklah dibelah, tapi bersua dengan jiwa lain yang searah. Jadi jangan lumpuhkan aku dengan mengatasnamakan kasih sayang.

Mari berkelana dengan rapat tapi tak dibebat, janganlah saling membendung apabila tak ingin tersandung.

Pegang tanganku, tapi jangan terlalu erat, karena aku ingin seiring dan bukan digiring.

A man, who can treat me like that, who can give me enough space to move and hold my hand like never let me go at the same time will win my heart. My whole heart.

the 50th week of 2010

2010-12-19T09:32:00.000+07:00

Last week, I had pre-responsi dental anatomi and pre-tentamen.

Those simulation tests made me realize that I wasn’t ready enough to face the real test. I had some problems in identifying which first maxillary premolar and which second maxillary premolar. I don’t know what to call the kind of anomaly a teeth have when it has a weird root. Well, I don’t even know how to describe the weirdness in the teeth’s root to you here -,-

I can’t pass the test with empty head like this. So, if yesterday or last week I said, “Gila aja kalau gak belajar,” this morning, I said to myself, “Aku harus belajar sampai gila!”

Next week, I will have basic pathology review, anatomical review, RESPONSI FISIOLOGI 2, TENTAMEN ANATOMI, and UJIAN TERMINAL BIOMATERIAL 2. Great! Those, which written with caps lock mode, are some of the most important tests a dentistry student have at the end of third semester. And in my case, they will be held in 3 days: from December 22 till December 24. Well well well, no one in my class will have enough hours to sleep I guess. I planned to buy enough magical poison (read: coffee) to make my eyes wide open.

the last dental anatomy lab activity

2010-12-12T08:20:00.000+07:00

the box

the craving wax and the tooths

it took two weeks for each craving wax

from left to right: incisivus - caninus - premolar - maxillary molar - mandibulary molar

Next week is pre-responsi and responsi will be held at December 31th. Wish me luck! :)

bittersweet symphony

maybe it's over, maybe it isn't

some amnesia will make me feel better

second week of holiday

liburan minggu pertama

apologize

memecah indah

never felt this need to fly

if you remember and still believe

done with the fun part, now i'm ready for the serious part

fifth semester: an evening at GSP

yesterday afternoon

but i am closer to the clouds up here

december

diam itu romantis

i'm about to set fire on everything i see

about inconsistency

Bangka, at last

life's a climb, but the view is great

KKN

*finger crossed*

curhat

I did what Tom Felton said

when it comes to goodbye

you made it clear when you said i just don't love you no more

someone's life

since the beginning of this restless road

someone texted me this after I told her that I really want to jump from 2nd floor

fifth semester: the first two weeks

those scenes

an update

welcoming lebaran

buntelan 2009: open and feel it

stay a while, i'm gazing the way you move from far

someone like you

tentang sebuah keyakinan dan kesiapan

busy days before ramadhan

about taking a step

sadranan beach

gonna look back on this and smile someday

see you soon, holly holiday

take a bow

as you know, the bond still grow until now :)

for me, it is still years to go

in the middle of exam week

damn it's true!

edisi ujian akhir semester 4

look who's on the cover!

laughs, conversations, pizzas, breads, and friends

done with this and that ;)

kick your cliche

this morning it hits me hard that..

"... that figuring out phase could take years."

bi yu es way: b-u-s-y

this is saturday morning and my room looks like a trash

like falling stars over your head, we were bound to burn out, but like crashing cars

when you went to a bookstore but you forgot to bring your wallet

no more waste your life for something that doesn't worth to fight

got my old number back

hello sunday and hello again my spirit

you can go your own way

dropped my cell phone somewhere i don't know

not to mention that i'm going to make the same mistake twice

happy 21st wedding anniversary

another massive headache and heartache here

the second answer

my definition of monday morning

still have so many things and tasks to do but i don't mind

hey you someone i don't know

when the morning came

good night world, finally i'm done with the lab report

there, at the traffic light, i stopped and cried

this weekend: nail polish, gloomy sky, es bon bon :3

gonna have some hectic weeks

feels good to touch the weekend again

when hugs and kisses become the best cure

random afternoon and random songs

bowls of ramen

the 3rd week

concert for harmony with adhitia sofyan

finger crossed